Crack to Basics

Here’s a basic overview of my night:

() Pulled a Dennis Reynolds and definitely bought a bunch of crack

() Smoked it off tin foil, carefully making little foil nests for the runaway rocks like a mama bird protecting its young

() Became fascinated by the yellow liquid that sizzles and turns into smoke like an egg yolk frying in a pan –> THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

() Found a planet in the foil residue like a goddamn space explorer

() Stopped smoking for a minute to tweet at Neil Degrasse Tyson about my discovery

() Finished up the bags and talked to my best friend about how crazy buying shit during the ‘crack epidemic’ would’ve been, via PAGERS and PHONE BOOTHS, when now you text from a phone that remembers your fucking finger print. (BTW if you ask Siri for coke she just looks up the nearest rehab for you instead… Robot bitch)

() Ate half a Xanax bar for my drug dessert / comedown

() Decided to post on this stupid blog as time, and my heartbeat, are starting to slow down