Nose Goes


I am trying to distract from an impending amphetamine come-down by googling pictures of Stevie Nicks’ nostrils: the two most career-defining features on a lady since Dolly Parton’s Grand Tetons.

Stevie may have always had ‘wide receivers’ (according to my photographic research), but her famous coke addiction can best be chronicled by the ever-widening nostrils, that, if not clogged by mountains of Colombian currency, could have been used to sniff out any and all victims of a potential “Landslide.”

Unfortunately for Stevie, though, she chose to ingest her coca the ‘natural’ way (i.e. – refusing to switch to Fleetwood CRACK) and decades of abuse burned a hole in those legendary caverns that only surgery could repair.

You might think that’s sad, but fuck you: I think it’s kind of cool. Her face has its own roadmap of wear-and-tear from going BUCK(ingham) WILD in the 1970s, when she earned her reputation as the Bad Bitch With The Best Blow.

She fearlessly kept jars around her neck, baggies in her shoe, and the rest in her nasal storage lockers, but if there’s one thing to mimic from Stevie Nicks’ adventures in the snow, it is her philosophy that one needs to simply drink more when they get too coked up, or snort more when they get too drunk.

I’m also down to continue the nose-gap trend, because I’d rather my face have black holes than blackheads, and that way no one can ever pressure you into getting a septum ring.



Author: chiawallace

I do drugs and have frizzy hair

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